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Essential Steps To Self Love

61 Comments / Healing, self-care, Self-Love Journey / By /

8 Life Changing Self-Love Strategies

 1. Serve

 2. Explore new options/experience new things

 3. Live in peace with yourself

 4. Figure out the things you like to do for yourself 

 5. Let yourself be inspired by positive role models

 6. Overrule everyone else’s opinion about you 

 7. Validate your value

 8. Except who you are 

 

        So many people go through so much pain and confusion in their lives because they try to find happiness and validation of themselves in other people. However, if you are reading this it is probably because you have realized that people will disappoint over and over and depending on them or other objects for your peace, character, and happiness is the fasted way to get hurt. Too many people in this generation have learned to look for outside approval for themselves instead of developing themselves on the inside. Everybody wants to be loved by their peers and by social media but have not taken the time to love and find themselves first. Therefore, this article is about the essential ways to finding one’s self within the mind, body, soul and spirit.  

S: serve 

Being able to start a process to healing yourself through love begins with being able to serve yourself. For different people this could mean different things. For example, someone may find that they connect with themselves and who they truly are when they serve others who are in need of their kindness such as people without homes or children who are extremely sick. For others, self- serving is spoiling themselves with gifts and other things that make them happy. However, self- serving is deeper than what meets the eye when you are trying to find yourself. To serve yourself means to spend quality time with yourself. Too many people, especially in this generation, are too afraid of being all alone with no one to distract them from their own minds; however, our minds are our greatest gifts and in order to be able to love yourself and show others how to love you, you have to able to spend time alone with yourself so that you can take the time to appreciate and respect your own thoughts, attitudes, responses to things, etc. without the influence of anyone else.

It is very important to spend quality time learning who you are without the opinions and presence of others because at the end of the day you are the only one who can pick yourself up and out of any situation. Yes, friends do come in handy, especially the ones that support you and can help you through certain situations; however, you are the only person that truly feels the pain, love, insecurity, sadness, numbness, anger, etc. that you may feel on the inside. Therefore, at the end of the day, you must make the mental and emotional internal breakthroughs that can either tear you down or bring you up in any type of circumstance.

In addition, to really serve yourself you must be able to learn your feelings, thoughts and attitudes so that you can learn to control them and understand them through any situation you are going through. In order to grow internally, you have to be able to recognize yourself so that you can show yourself the care and love on a level you cannot get from anyone else.

E: explore new options/experience new things 

Sometimes, in order to find who you truly are, it is necessary to take a break from what you are used to. When there is something that you are good at and like, it is easy to fall into a pattern with that skill or activity. When that thing becomes apart of your daily routine, it is something that you and other people may even use to define you. However, you still have some exploring to do. In order to evaluate your thoughts, actions, feelings, etc. to learn who you are in different areas of your life, exploring new things and experiencing new environments/conditions is essential. It helps you get out of your own comfort zone and learn more about yourself on your own terms. You will find that you are good at and can be defined by more than the good traits you are usually recognized by. You may also learn that your soul and spirit connect with another part of you that you would not have known was there if you hadn’t taken the time to learn and get to know yourself on more levels than one. In addition, when you are looking for new things to try, keep in mind your health, responsibilities, and positive growth. Make sure that you will not be jeopardizing other internal things that have had a positive effect on your well-being and mental, physical, and spiritual growth. 

L: live in peace with YOURSELF

Too many people love who they are on the outside but are conflicted on the inside because of what they appear to be for the entertainment of others. If what you are doing to yourself or others feels wrong to you on the inside, chances are it probably is. Presenting yourself in a way to please others to be accepted or validated by them only goes so far. At the end of the day you are the one who has to look at yourself in the mirror and in the inside and like what you see. If you don’t and you are not at peace with who you have pretended to be and who you are becoming, it is time to slay those demons. In order to love yourself and provide yourself with self-care, you must guide yourself in good consciousness. This also means forgiving yourself and others who have done wrong to you. Studies have shown that unforgiveness leads to bad health, anger issues, etc. In addition, seeking out those that you may have hurt in the past to apologize or make it up to them if they’re willing can go a long way with how you feel about yourself. However, trying to fix the past does not always have anything to do with your internal growth in the present and future. Therefore, in order to live at peace with yourself, make it your goal moving forward to only make decisions/say things that make you happy to be you in your own opinion and heart. Keep in mind that when you do right by others and make them feel happy and welcome without jeopardizing your true self, it can also play a part in your self-happiness.

F: figure out the things YOU like to do for yourself

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look nice and do things to enhance your beauty; however, make sure you are doing it for yourself first and not for the attention of others. For example, is getting your nails done something you like for yourself and not to make others like you? Do you get your hair done in certain styles that make you happy, healthy, and whole or is it for the acceptance and validation of others? Make sure what you are doing, wearing, etc. is for yourself before anyone else. If you do not like it, don’t do it for other people because then you will not be staying true to yourself. In addition, once you embrace who you are and do the things you like to for yourself; you will attract those kinds of people, relationships, energies, etc. that share similar values to you instead of compromising yourself based off of how other people are and what they like. When you are finding you and prioritizing the love for yourself, no one else but you and your values come first. This does not mean that you cannot have friendships and relationships with people who don’t share your same values, commonalities, etc.; just don’t let them or any type of circumstances change who you are or who you are trying to become at the core. 

L: let YOUSELF be inspired by positive role models 

It is not always easy to follow guidelines to working on yourself so having a rule model or two during the process is a good idea. With this generation, the internet can be very handy. In this situation, it can be used very well; however, the trick is to be able to stay focused on the main goal: being able to love yourself for who you are or are becoming on the inside. It is very easy to get distracted while on social media with how people look/act on the outside or where you and others may fit on the scale of the world’s version of beautiful (which is ever-changing anyway). However, that is not what we are focusing on. In order to find role models who can help you stay on your path of growing internally, you need to search for people who give advice and lead by example on how they have felt healthier, happier, and heedful ever since they chose to find and love themselves on a level deeper than public appearances. Seeing success stories and how people managed to complete such a seemingly impossible task can help you overcome any fear, nervousness, etc. you may have that is standing in the way of you and the most amazing connection you will feel within yourself. Role models can help you stay motivated to continuing a process that will help you find the best version of yourself. Here are a few people who have recognized how amazing it is to love themselves first: Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith, Dr. Joe, etc. 

O: overrule everyone else’s opinion about YOU

No matter what people say to you, you must be able to find the real truth inside yourself. However, through insecurities and dislikes that you have about yourself, your perspective of yourself may be tainted by what others think of you or what you think of yourself due to what others have said. Therefore, in order to be able to overrule other people’s opinions about you, you must be able to separate yourself and your thoughts from what other people have to say or how they act towards you. This does not mean you cannot listen sometimes, especially to the people whose opinions you do value. There are some situations where the people who truly care about you may give you a valuable perspective on how you are acting or presenting yourself. However, you have to learn when to take someone else’s opinion into perspective and when to let it go through one ear and out the other. If it is not making you a better person on the inside and out, then it is not meant for you to pay attention to. 

V: validate YOUR value

In a world full of haters, controllers, and people who are not afraid to torment you with the negative, you must be the most positive person and supporter of yourself. Also, don’t try to find your value in people or things because they will never be able to fully recognize what you don’t show; therefore, you have to figure you out for yourself. Some of the wisest words spoken by Oprah Winfrey is that “you are the master of your own life” and “you have to believe in yourself” (Oprah Winfrey). Therefore, you must go within yourself and connect to your thoughts and feelings that allow you to find your worth in yourself. When you have validated your truth and worth for yourself, you’ll act like it which will allow people to treat you the way you view yourself. And the ones that do not can find somewhere else to hate. Make sure you give yourself positive affirmations about who/what you are and how you look every day. Believe in every positive word you imply to yourself and give yourself 3 positives for every one negative you or someone else tries to falsely allude you by. You are beautiful, you are amazing, and you are in control! In conclusion, when you change your thoughts towards yourself and you 100% believe in the positivity that describes you; you suddenly become aware of your value. Love the true image of you and take care of it like only you can.   

E: except who YOU are 

Everyone may not like who you truly are and you cannot make them; however, when you embrace what makes you you; the right kind of people will be attracted to you. Not everyone is meant to understand you or vibe with you on a level deeper than the surface. That is why you must be able to find yourself by yourself so that you know what truly makes you you. Not everyone who was previously in your circle will be able to support this new you and you may not want to tolerate them. So then the tricky part becomes whether or not you are able to stay true to yourself and embrace/accept the qualities that make you yourself apart from the influences of anybody else, even your friends. You are going to have those who are happy to see you grow and those who hate the fact that you can do what they still have not learned to; love yourself for who you truly are. Therefore, do not be sad to see the people that tainted your internal/spiritual awareness go because they will be replaced by others who are attracted to and vibe with the you that you worked so hard to find. Be proud of what makes you a better, happier, and healthier person because at the end of the day, your mind, body, and soul is what YOU have to live with.  

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